Friday, July 29, 2005
ahahahahaha! i'm SO hyper today.. i don't know why, or maybe i do! charlotte, fiona, and gissy girl are coming to church for our youth day outreach! yayness! even better is, fiona (who fell sick JUST after i invited her. i tell you it was da S.A tan who was trying to play dirty) should be okay by sunday! praise God! hopefully, God will reach out to fiona.. she once told me she and her mum used to go to church, but stopped. i have a feeling that even then, she never really believed in him. so hopefully, this sunday God will reach out to her... yeah.. also, i hope that after this, the youth will be more united. i doubt it, but with God, anything is possible. this is because the first time i came back to ASE and poiema, i realised how... dead.. the youth was. which is really sad... considering i remember it to be rather lively. then again, i kind of knew this would happen... it just happened sooner. i was actually wondering when linn and daph would burst, i know it's kind of terrible to think like that.. but i couldn't help it... some 'oof' was definitely missing.
linn and daph did burst the week after though.. it was kind of scary... linn was the one who spoke for both of them. it was mostly aimed at the guys and some of the girls, but still, i hope the others take heed of what she was scolding on rather than the fact she scolded us. it's sad really, that they [linn and daph] have to hit that extent before people take notice. i'm praying for the youth alright.. won't stop. i hope that during my stay for the half of the year, i can help the youth build their foundation. they really need a lot of help. pray for them people! if anybody's actually reading this.. >.<
oh boy... hyperness gone... now i'm dead tired.. this may be a short one.. but one that should be typed out. well, g'night!
Tuesday, July 26, 2005
hello! a new blog again... but hey, at least my other one lasted longer then many other diary attempts. i was apparently right, i'm online so often, i actually could use my time to blog.. and it worked! but the problem is.. i keep talking about my day... it gets boring. instead, i think i'm going to focus more on serious issues.. or share the more exciting bits of my life with more details. however, that's not the only reason i'm starting a new blog. God played a part. (he usually does ^^) as i'm proud to say, i'm a christian. just because i'm a christian doesn't mean i don't struggle with my life though, and i had a bit of a struggle recently. well, it started a few years ago, but it didn't get so bad up until this year.
it started with my daydreaming, i always have time to wonder about things... the human mind thinks at a pretty fast speed, so i'm always pondering and forming thoeries inside my head. one day, i was thinking about how i've been going to church from young. then i began to wonder if i really knew God and believed in him. at that moment, wheels started spinning faster.
how do i know if i really love God? i've done many wrongs, and that doesn't seems to show that i love God. i don't even do my quiet time (i still don't, eh heh). maybe... maybe i should stop going to church... if i really love God.. i would always turn back.. or God will call me.. but i feared that if i told my parents how i felt, then they would get all pray-ie and etc. so i decided to leave the church (and God) when i turn 21. at the same time though, i was afraid to leave God's presence at all. i've seen for myself how good he is, i know he is real. so i was afraid, i asked God what i should do. i told him that he knows what my troubles are, and i need him to tell me what to do. or just DO something. and guess what? he did. he just took his own sweet time to do it. haha...^^
it was in sydney, on the day we (mum, aunty ruth, deniece and i) arrived. we were to stay in the house of prayer. the kids were having their usual prayer meeting, so we joined in. during the prayer meeting, aunty jane suggested that the kids pray for us to see what God has to tell us. when aunty jane told me God said he'll give me eyes to see him, i started brawling...^^ll'l my prayers were answered! now i can go to God without doubting and asking soooOO many questions. i felt refreshed that day, and was also able to attend the hillsong conference without feeling out of place. it was fabulous.
i guess this is the reason why i'm starting a new blog. i want to start anew. so here i am. ^^